Lost in a difficult marriage

[Pictionary]

Originally Posted by marlborosmoker

Hoping you and your wife can solve this fucked up situation and save the marriage. But I think what other bros write here are very correct, communication is the base. If she despises you that much, let's try to get the bottom of the reason.

Btm of the reason? Indirectly the cost of his/her job/career? Dun forget we need to juggle and learn how to adapt to whatever situations be it people, daily work challenges and reporting to boss.

Cannot reason just enough, just divorce. Otherwise lose your career, love life and everything else. We are not doing security guard jobs whereby just rcv phone calls, ask for purpose of visit and patrol ....

[peanodood1337]

Originally Posted by Leisuresuit

I often envy bros who appear to have a successful or happy marriage, whether or not the bro still eat outside. I also wonder if I should agree to divorce the next time she brings it up. Maybe it brings a second chance to both of us, although I am sure the kids will become damage as a result.

Don't envy others. You never know what is going on behind their closed doors. Also, those that are truly happy had to work for it. Made sacrifices. Forgone their needs sometimes for the good of the family.

You have already failed your marriage by cheating on your wife through seeking commercial sexual services. The hundreds, if not thousands of dollars you spent on whores could have gone to your children's education. Did you ever stop to think of that?

I find it surprising that you are complaining about your wife, when you aren't exactly an angel either. It takes 2 hands to clap. You have forgotten about your anniversary - do you think she will be haha ok its fine about it? Think back to the old times when you were wooing her - would you ever forget about your anniversary? Fuck, I've been divorced for 5 years and I still remember my ex's birthday and our anniversary. What excuse do you have?

My advice? Buck the fuck up. Stop whinging about your lack of sex life. You have 2 kids to live for now. Start talking to your wife about these issues, and work on them together. And not seek advice on some dubious sex forum. If you don't work to save your marriage, you'll be posting here again soon about your divorce.

Good luck.

[Pictionary]

1. commercial sexual services
2. some dubious sex forum
It's correct, however please tone down these conversations. Moi want to relax and leisure reading. Need more sensible and matured samsters, instead of me, to roll-on the conversations, instead of those playing quiet_quiet games.

*I just thought of a framework to link all the general ideas together. Needed to work thru the details myself consistently or cannot survive in this controlled environment and not careful can get really screwed. Self-effort, self-determination, self....... Read/write less of Sammyforum threads/replies unless v free/stressed. At certain point in life, it just take a handful of samsters(Venus/Mars/VenusMars) to destroy my life and to pick up from the pieces myself slowly, can never recover. Cannot take deep pressure, always the saying just quit, dun burden others. All the toxicities of life, never drop in big hole, never know how to overcome the slumdog challenges. Then come a handful to steal the ideas and make his/her own. That's what i dun like, sorry.

$$It's v tough to apply my school theory onto a simple task. Do it one time right, everytime. Whether can succeed or not, does not matter. Dun live my life in regrets. Need to start read/write less of Sammyforum.

###Ok , you are right peanadood! It's my error on my part for overlooking this. I need to acknowledge that this is your effort, not mine.

[expatamerican]

Every day your young kids are learning what to expect from a relationship. If all they see is distance and conflict, then that is what they will also choose in their life. So if you think you are not doing harm to your kids now, you are so wrong. Also as long as you are not a happy person and cannot be a good dad. Im not saying divorce or not. But I am saying kids is not a valid reason to stay in a non functional marriage.

[KinksHunter]

Hey bro, I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a tough time.
It sounds like you've been dealing with a lot of emotional strain and it's not easy.

Communication breakdowns and constant quarrels can be incredibly draining, and it's natural to feel frustrated and hurt.
It's clear that there are some deep-seated issues that need to be addressed in your marriage.

Bringing children into the equation can further complicate things, especially if they witness constant arguments.
It's a tough situation to be in, and I can empathize with your feelings of regret and uncertainty.

Seeking familiarity in relationships, even through commercial means, is understandable.
We all yearn for a connection, and sometimes it's easier to find that with someone you've built a rapport with.

Regarding your thoughts on divorce, it's a significant decision and not one to be taken lightly.
It's important to weigh the pros and cons, especially considering the potential impact on your kids.
Sometimes, though, it might offer a chance for both parties to find happiness and a fresh start.

Ultimately, it's crucial to have open and honest conversations with your wife about how you both feel.
Marriage counseling could be a valuable option to explore.
It's a space where both of you can express your concerns and work towards a healthier, more fulfilling relationship.

Remember, seeking support is a sign of strength, and it's a step towards understanding and potentially finding a resolution.

Wishing you the best during this difficult time.

[Pictionary]

Originally Posted by expatamerican

Every day your young kids are learning what to expect from a relationship. If all they see is distance and conflict, then that is what they will also choose in their life. So if you think you are not doing harm to your kids now, you are so wrong. Also as long as you are not a happy person and cannot be a good dad. Im not saying divorce or not. But I am saying kids is not a valid reason to stay in a non functional marriage.

The singaporean v young sons suffer the most. They need to think out of the box out of the rigid education system, endure the tough military life and entertain expatriate + stinkapolang + profkapolang + zharbokapolang + auntkapolang bosses while solving real-life issues w little $$$ for retirement. We need to help ourselves while tolerating neverending stinkapolang + outcastkapolang + zharbokapolang culture. Guess we are the worst lot of stinkapolang + profkapolang + outcastkapolang as compared to other SEA countries, while improving a bit against the high standards of living. We will continue to help ourselves despite the difficulties w or /w stinkapolang + profkapolang + outcastkapolang + zharbokapolang.

Thanks for trying to help.

[Zetyalpha]

Originally Posted by Leisuresuit

This is probably a common issue for many bros here kand I am not even sure a commercial sex forum is the right place to seek advice or a sympathetic ear.

I am in my mid 40s, married and have 2 very young kids. I have been married to my wife for over 10 years. In our years of marriage, our relationship had slowly deteriorated to the point that we were quarrelling daily over meaningless things that triggered her. Over time she broke my heart and faith in the institution of marriage by suggesting divorce over what seemed to me to be small things.

We have our fair share of flaws but while I was prepared to accept her flaws, she was constantly critical of mine. We rarely had sex, she had some resistance to penetrative sex as she said she wasn't ready or we weren't ready to have kids, because I did not have good financial habits (btw I'm not in debt nor do I have vices, but do not save enough).

Subsequently, she suddenly wanted to have kids as she felt her biological clock ticking. We did have sex to try for kids. But it's not enjoyable. While I love my kids, I wonder why I agreed to bring them to this world, to have them witness our fights.

Consequently, i engaged in some commercial sex, but I found that I crave the familiarity of someone regular. It was good during the days of hc and Malaysian mls, you could rtf the same person and build a friendship.

In our recent fights she complained that I had forgotten our anniversary, but she had never acted like she cared for the relationship or anniversary. I also genuinely forgot.

I often envy bros who appear to have a successful or happy marriage, whether or not the bro still eat outside. I also wonder if I should agree to divorce the next time she brings it up. Maybe it brings a second chance to both of us, although I am sure the kids will become damage as a result.

These days, esp Singaporean women have no respect for men. The reasons why she pick trivial things to quarrel. Is she has ZERO respect and contempt for you.

Your biggest mistake is giving her children. If I were you, I would have divorced her. Now, you stuck with a possible divorce and child support. You fell for her trap totally.

[chubbybastard]

Originally Posted by Pictionary

The singaporean v young sons suffer the most. They need to think out of the box out of the rigid education system, endure the tough military life and entertain expatriate + stinkapolang + profkapolang + zharbokapolang + auntkapolang bosses while solving real-life issues w little $$$ for retirement. We need to help ourselves while tolerating neverending stinkapolang + outcastkapolang + zharbokapolang culture. Guess we are the worst lot of stinkapolang + profkapolang + outcastkapolang as compared to other SEA countries, while improving a bit against the high standards of living. We will continue to help ourselves despite the difficulties w or /w stinkapolang + profkapolang + outcastkapolang + zharbokapolang.

Thanks for trying to help.

Force yourself to think positively not for yourself but for your kids

[Pictionary]

Originally Posted by chubbybastard

Force yourself to think positively not for yourself but for your kids

Good advice. I will try to embrace positively. I need to help myself before i can help the future singaporean sons. Dun feel like helping daughters or PMETs, bec i really dun feel any hardships or learn anything useful from them.

[xiaozhi]

Bro, you have 2 kids already. Can only say try to tahan until kids 21 years old if you want divorce. Once divorce, no matter what you confirm need pay wife alimony and child maintenance. Your HDB also need to be sold off and split 50% to her. You confirm in deep shit financial.

I can see the way you say your marriage life I feel your wife is looking for a dad instead of husband. I bet her dad must be pamper her like princess. Sad to say high chance you marry wrong wife and I hope one day she wake up her idea. Communicate as often as possible.

I go down the divorce route when my son is only 3-4 years old and needless to say I'm paying for child maintenance. Lucky for me my ex wife don't really out to pwned me but now I have alot difficulty seeing my child. Take care bro. If need chat more, can find me.

[AUDIFANSG]

lol not to add salt to your injury but i feel girls who don have respect for their husband/quarrel often with their husbands are more likely to eat outside.on the bright side you are also eating outside so its even. on the serious side kids are often the most affected by divorces. My kid loves me a lot and i can never imagine letting him experience wat a divorce feels like.

[Greenfrog]

i always got this theory that majority of the marriages out there are dead.

looks like i am right.

[Dignified69]

The big problem is that most mens need for sex remains through most of life it seems and for many women it wanes or even disappears. Even after all the counselling and everything if there is no sex in the marriage it is very difficult, particularly if all other things are ok.


The challenge is how to eat out without any guilt? A spiritual teacher / life coach once told me that no action is inherently good or bad. So I should not feel guilty about eating out when there is no other recourse. But clearly I haven't been able to internalise.

So need to know from all the married samsters out here what is their secret to eating out without guilt?

[Datingafter35]

Dang.

I was once married to my ex-wife for a decade.

Sex was good because no kids.

But it still boils down to being financially savvy and calmly talking things through.

Here I am craving for marriage and you guys are toughing it out. Kudos.

[Greenfrog]

Originally Posted by AUDIFANSG

lol not to add salt to your injury but i feel girls who don have respect for their husband/quarrel often with their husbands are more likely to eat outside.on the bright side you are also eating outside so its even. on the serious side kids are often the most affected by divorces. My kid loves me a lot and i can never imagine letting him experience wat a divorce feels like.

on the other hand, single parent kids mature faster.