Relationship

[topcook1]

[zan888]

Originally Posted by Freebap

I am in my late 20s and like many of the young couples, I have already BTO with my gf of around 3yrs.

Perhaps the application of BTO was abit hasty. And now, our quarrel is like bigger than before and it seemed that the BTO is the only thing that is holding us back. She keep saying that everything is tying her down financially, and sad to say, her thinking isnt that broad/mature yet. She tend to gets angry easily even over slightest thing(didn pick up her phone), and I am always the one to calm her down and apologize. And the cancellation of the BTO idea keep coming out whenever we quarrel.

I am really confused.. Should I just suck it up and just endure all of these for the rest of my life, and hope that things will get better? Or just cancel the BTO? Btw the down payment is already made, so it is morally right to return that 5% back to the other party in cash should anything happen?

What are your opinions bros?

Things only gets worst after marriage, not better.

I have known such spoiled brats before and the best thing to do is walk away.

Why do you need to put up with unreasonable behavior? BTO is a small issue, later bigger issues will arise. To be in marriage imagine the person next to you can kill you at anytime they want. If you dont trust the person with your life, then you shouldnt marry them. Dont make a fucked up situation more fucked up is my advice.

[topcook1]

Guess eventually TS will be soft hearted and marry her. I had seen few example of such relationship. TS has not marry before he might think there is hope marriage will be better off....

[urgg]

TS, why ur gf sound so familiar?

I 100% feel you. Reasons u dun want to part with her:

1) Already together so long already.. can't bear to let her go.. Let me remind u, it is not love already. It is used to being with her.

2) Family pressure.. worried part with her liao.. parents will ask this and that.. dun wan parents to worried so much.. Must take in mind that if u marry her, ur parents will suffer more in future

3) you worried about how she will be when u leave her.. she is going to enjoy cuz she is not happy with you now!

Bro, Im not trying to be a farker.. I just dun want to see another me..

[Ho-Lee]

Originally Posted by urgg

TS, why ur gf sound so familiar?

I 100% feel you. Reasons u dun want to part with her:

1) Already together so long already.. can't bear to let her go.. Let me remind u, it is not love already. It is used to being with her.

2) Family pressure.. worried part with her liao.. parents will ask this and that.. dun wan parents to worried so much.. Must take in mind that if u marry her, ur parents will suffer more in future

3) you worried about how she will be when u leave her.. she is going to enjoy cuz she is not happy with you now!

Bro, Im not trying to be a farker.. I just dun want to see another me..

You are right bro. However is not easy for TS to call it quit . It takes to be hard hearted and needs lots of courage since he is at the marriage stage . We as an outsider has a clearer picture what future lies ahead for him . The rest is up to him , most guys will be soft hearted and jump into the grave eventually . Is better to be alone than be with a wrong partner .

[harddisk]

过来人will give you genuine advice. But most of the time, we don't learn or listen until we fully experience it ourselves (and learn it the hardway). I was probably one of those who had it hard but I've come to terms that the toughest lessons are the best lessons.

TS, you sound like the soft hearted type. But if you ever cancel the bto, you do not have to pay her the 5%. Both sides need to contribute to make or break up a family,

[urgg]

Originally Posted by Ho-Lee

You are right bro. However is not easy for TS to call it quit . It takes to be hard hearted and needs lots of courage since he is at the marriage stage . We as an outsider has a clearer picture what future lies ahead for him . The rest is up to him , most guys will be soft hearted and jump into the grave eventually . Is better to be alone than be with a wrong partner .

yeah bro... why are man so soft-hearted? cheesepie...

TS. good luck and all the best to you!

[Hurricane88]

Originally Posted by a2014

There are a lot of missing links here which nobody can help because it only center around BTO and argument.

agreed lah...so many info missing...listen to one side story...cannot tell the full picture...

[furrybird]

Bro leave the bto issue aside. Your marriage to your life partner is the vital issue here. I can only leave you some points to think over but the rationale is that you need to analyse it and decide if you could live with this for life.

1) don expect your partner to change, if they do it's a bonus, it they don't, that's the deal you are getting on the day you sign the dotted line.

2) have a bare truth talk, everyone have some fine line that canot be cross, you got to find out if there is anything that both of you can't stand each other about, you canot leave this to feel, you two must be able to physically quantify it, eg, go out with your frens, she canot tahan. That's the line, don't hope she will accept, you need to ask yourself, can you don go out with your fren, refer to rule 1.

3) do not be guilty about making choices to decide on marriage, 3-5% of couples eventually break up after going for marriage counselling, know yourself and her, if you went through this process, then no matter what decision ultimately will benefit her in future.

4) be objective, go through rule 2 with her in all aspect of your life, if you need a guide, then u can refer to the below 1) financial, how u two going to manage money for your house together. Who pay for what..utilities, water, groceries etc 2) work, what goals do they two of you shared, she may want to be a career woman, while u a ah sia, that a warning sign, u might clash in future. 3) sex, baby plans and family plans.. Yes, you need to face this, you want by, she don't want, can be a big issue in future and really small now. 4) your in laws, stay together or not? This very typical, don think you can run away, it's not their issue, you marry her, you take over the parent, vice versa for her too. 5) your and her social life, your circle of frens and her, can you mix ard? Do she wana you to mix ard?

Bro, we can go on for days on whether to enter a marriage, ultimately, yes or no is not for us to say, I just lay some objective pointers for you to think through, marriage is tough, very tough, but marriage there's also joy, every coin have two side, I don want you to ponder over this in a manner if you should get married, but rather after understanding this gf is she the right person you can live with for life.

Pm me if you got more questions, hope the above helps.

Furrybird

[Intltuk]

TS, why so hung up about BTO? It should be the least of ur worries. If both of u cannot see a future together and u get married bec of BTO.......it will cost u even more....mentally as well as monetary wise.

Go and work on ur relationship with her; if things work out, great...u've a BTO to look forward to; if things don't turn out, well, ea of u lose 5%...take it as lesson learn and move forward.

[damong777]

Other than BTO issue, you really need to consider whether you want to marry her or not;

If the relationship is of one sided where you are always giving in, one day you would blow and what may happen end up in divorce ranks...lose more

So my advise is to sit down and think it through properly. And have a good heart to heart talk to trash out the issues before deciding; try to find or understand why is she acting this way? (could be work, family or worst change of heart)...A wrong decision now would cost more than BTO.

[damong777]

Originally Posted by Ho-Lee

You are right bro. However is not easy for TS to call it quit . It takes to be hard hearted and needs lots of courage since he is at the marriage stage . We as an outsider has a clearer picture what future lies ahead for him . The rest is up to him , most guys will be soft hearted and jump into the grave eventually . Is better to be alone than be with a wrong partner .

Many of us went through what TS is going through now; in the end decision lies with him and what he wants.

Breaking up for some people also takes courage similar to starting a marriage.

Hope TS can work things out and decide what is best for himself.

[cmelater]

Originally Posted by damong777

Many of us went through what TS is going through now; in the end decision lies with him and what he wants.

Breaking up for some people also takes courage similar to starting a marriage.

Hope TS can work things out and decide what is best for himself.

The courage to break is surely not very easy to muster.

Losing the house and the money is not a big problem. Money can earn back. But marrying the wrong partner is very hard to fix. The time lost (and not just wasted) cannot earn back. Money is just a paper.

Remember peter lim and him going thru divorce. He lost part of his wealth due to the divorce but he still can own a whole condominium. Money is just one part of life.

[damong777]

Originally Posted by cmelater

The courage to break is surely not very easy to muster.

Losing the house and the money is not a big problem. Money can earn back. But marrying the wrong partner is very hard to fix. The time lost (and not just wasted) cannot earn back. Money is just a paper.

Remember peter lim and him going thru divorce. He lost part of his wealth due to the divorce but he still can own a whole condominium. Money is just one part of life.

been there and done that already...so just sharing about it.

Money may be earned back; but depending on how u settle the d if you married wrongly

[Freebap]

Hey guys, you all really gave awesome replies.

Been talking to her few days ago. She said she was sorry in the end. For now, I would like to improve on what we are lacking, instead of just cancel everything immediately.

I guess it is really good to hear from experienced bros here.

Btw, is it normal to have 'withdrawal' symptoms when you move into a new house? e.g missing ur mum's cooking, freedom of being alone at home. I am afraid I will have all these 'withdrawal' symptoms though..