Quote:
Originally Posted by Timely Rain
Thank you again for your kind advices.
I dun measure gains or losses, whether in monetary terms or not, on my marriage. Ever since I got married, I gave all for my newly-formed family and stopped all the "messing outside". I wanted to give her a new life. It was sweet for the first few years but gradually the relationship deteriorated to the current state.
Only thing holding back is my son. I cannot imagine a day when I go home and not see his happy face, hear his noise and feel his hugs. I know this has a negative impact on him. Whenever we argued, he will hit his fist on the wall. I have also received calls from school that he was fighting in school. I tried to counsel him, but he said he cannot control his anger and become aggressive easily. Now he is called a bully in school.
With all the sufferings, I can only seek short moments of joy "messing outside" to escape this reality.
But the pain is getting unbearable......  |
I only saw your thread today, so here are some suggestions from someone who went through a divorced:
Before you bring up the topic of Divorce to your SO, always always consult your lawyer first...I see from your post that your have talk it through with your wife, I assume you have spoken to your lawyer before that.
I quote my lawyer: ".....No party (in the marriage) is suppose to make a gain from the divorce..." That pretty much sums up what your wife will or will not get after you divorce.
For instance, your wife asking for 90% of your income? possible? yes if you are willing to give it to her, but then again reasonable? obviously not, because you are suppose to move and maybe have another go at marriage, then how to marry with only 10% of your income?
Then there are some comments about assets being split 50-50? This is dumb, who say so? Then again, did the idiot mentioned that it is only for matrimonial assets?
There is
no 50-50 rule, it depends on how much contribution each party gave during the course of marriage, and how your lawyer bargain in court.
Then again, please
remember divorcing is a lot like the fish market, there is a lot of bargaining, and in the event if both parties cannot resolve then there is a need to get a decision from the judge, this is call a judgement.
Ultimately there is only 1 advice you need to remember, get a good lawyer, and sit down with him (or her) to go through what you want out of the divorce, be it care and control of the child (not custody, that is always joint unless either party gives it up or the judge deem not fit to have it), asset etc. This should have been done before you bring it up to your wife (because the first lawyer you speak to may not be the right one), nevertheless it is still not too late, so quickly go seek legal advice; because he will be fighting for you, not us.
again I quote my lawyer:"....whatever assets you managed to retain, you have a choice to give the other party as good will after the divorce is completed, or you may need to continue your life which is important because you have a dependent (my kid)..."