Hi everyone. Thanks for all your replies.
I thought i'd get slammed for being stupid (which of course i think i am, since i'm hoping for something that isn't really possible. Also the fact that i entered the relationship knowing that he probably just wanted an FB and now me seeking love, it's me being stupid really.
Thanks for all your PMs too. Alot of ppl in this forum are kind... not really what i was expecting because i expected alot of sardonic and well, it's a sex forum after all, so all the jaded-with-sex-tales-tirade people.
I think a couple of you talked about being unfair to his kids because he is married. yes, he has kids.. and ....
they are my age.. so they're not exactly school-going children but have moved out.. hence the empty-nest syndrome. i think i'm going to get blasted for being FB with a man so much older, but truth be told, i have a liking for older men. Younger men seem immature to me. I don't really go for looks, i guess it's chemistry. So it's his wife always being overseas and him being free with time on his hands, and me a person a little sick with her mundane job and seeking a little excitement.
Most of you are right - i have over-stepped the boundaries of being an FB. i never expected it would come to this. i thought i could differentiate between sex and love and i didn't know i could fall for someone so much older. So i just went ahead. the sex is good, but i like the post-sex cuddles and little whispers and closeness. Maybe that's when i started falling for him.
i find that because i am hurt that he is merely treating me as a sex object, i go on the defensive sometimes. i guess in some ways i am indirectly pushing him away. i ignore him at times because i feel unfairly treated, i tell myself that he just wants sex when he does nice things to me. i am essentially a bit of a wreck.
But you know how women are. sometimes we just self-torture and i don't know why.
I know what i should do, but i can't do it.
and i don't want to tell any of my friends because they'll just judge me for being with a married man who is so much older.
Thanks all again.
your replies mean alot to me because i've only had one gay friend to share this with so far.