ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

Just wanna rant. This is certainly not the best place to do it but I guess I gotta get it off my man boobs.

I'm married unhappily. The details of my marriage I shall not go into them. And bros who wanna tell me to work things out... I tried, not exhaustively though, but really I think things will never work out. I'm sure many bros understand such a plight I'm in. I'm staying cos of my child.

I've been sleeping separately in the spare room for more than a year now. Being someone who craves affections from his partner, my marriage is making me feel very hapless. The verbal and mental abuse really make me not want to go home sometimes.

Started to search for side dish about a year ago. Came upon this app that allows the users to post thoughts anonymously. Being a rather emotional guy, I posted my thoughts etc not really expecting anything.

Tbc

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

Sure. Plenty for you to choose to chat with here..

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

That's a cool app! May I know what is it? Anyway yea, most of us do stay due to the kids in marriage. But how long can that last? I've seen couples stayed on cause kids are small, do not want older parents to see them divorce all these. But what matters is how happy can you be?

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

Why did you get into the marriage in the first place? And what was the cause for it to break down?

Sometimes I don't get it ... everyone got married because they felt that at the point of marriage they chose someone that they wanted to spend an entire life with ... so what breaks ??? :D:D:D

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

share the apps pls ;)

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

People changed. Habits die hard. So better to blame each other.

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

So your story begins with this app with chatting up girls and you got lucky, right?


Have you spared a thought for your other half? Why the situation end up like this, she wants it to happen?

Anyway back to your interesting story.

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

once a marriage counsellor told me this....

after many sessions counselling couples..he realised that its not that people changed after getting married.... its their masks that came off only marriage... all the while during dating they still wear masks even when facing their bfs or gfs... its only after marriage the masks came off... and each other start accusing the party he/she had changed.

during counselling time sometimes the girl/guy will say "but before marry u r not like this" then the other will reply "no, iam always like this its just that u never realise/ you never see/ you dont know etc....

iam always like this because i wear a mask...didnt want to scare u... yet.

even some dating for over 15 years didnt know the bad habits their partners has and only see it after marriage. some say had they know it b4 marriage they would not have marry him/her... bcos all these small little accumulative irritants are actually the fatal firecrackers. small but deadly....

we often like to say....open eyes big big and see b4 marry the person... but its almost impossible when the things u r suppose to see are invisible.. only till after marriage then they become visible.. :D

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

TS u seems v lonely n sad in the marriage. when u start to seek emotional connections outside marriage be careful, its likely to become an affair n threaten your marriage. paid sex solves some needs (mainly physical) not that i advocate it but at least no emotional repercussions that u might not want.

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

Verbal and Mental abuse..? leave her..! sorry to say that.. :(

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

Hmmm.... is it just me or do I detect that actually TS's intentions in starting this thread is to tell his story of adventure and debauchery?

And not really to get advise or have a discussion on what to do with this marital state of affairs.

That is if he ever actually decide to come back on after his single post here!
SEAJ

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

Everyone is wearing a mask when comes to the society..be it with friends , colleagues etc....only the family members will know what is behind the mask.

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

Totally agreed with u on this...

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

Catfish = "Thor Sard" :p

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

TS u really are suffering....do u wants to suffer for the rest of your life?

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

I'm so sorry I disappeared so long.

Yes I saw one of the replies saying after marriage the masks come off. I'm a very bad tempered person actually. But have been holding it in all these while until she triggered the hulk in me.

And no there's no tale of debauchery unfortunately. As the term catfish suggests, or if you might figure out by now, we never met. Let me continue.

As I was saying I started to look for someone on the side. And yes maybe the lack of sex made me want to look for ons or fwb. I'll not disclose the app I'm sorry because ppl who use that app might know from my posts there. If you really wanna know pm me.

I was reading the posts and I saw a post from someone declaring her excitement that her hubby was going overseas for work. Few posts later the poster posted another, looking for married men as fwb. Said she was 29f.

Naturally I responded. Tried to chat her up to see if things happen. She didn't respond positively, guess she was flooded with chats from men. Few days later she posted again things along that line... Looking for married men etc. I tried my luck again and this time we chatted more.

Will continue tonight.

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

My initial intention was far from saintly. Here she was, openly declaring that she's looking for fwb, wouldn't hurt to give it a shot ( pun intended) right?

Her replies to me were sporadic. Again I attribute that to the other chats she had to entertain. Again I couldn't get her to be more interested.

Few days later, she posted that she wanted to meet someone that very day. Again I replied to her and she arranged to meet me after work. I was like.. Ok that was direct. But in the end she said she chose someone else and didn't meet me.

Next day she posted something like, " to the white guy, thanks for pampering me" or something like that. And apparently that guy replied to that post.

I kept up my chats with her. And slowly she began to open up to me. Didn't take long for me to concise her to cut out the angmo and consider me. She said she liked the way I chat.

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

As we began to chat more, I realized our backgrounds are pretty similar. Both from not so well to do families, and somehow managed to graduate with a degree. For privacy reasons I will not divulge more (at least cos I think she told me the truth about that).

We texted each other everyday. Every minute. We couldn't seem to run out of topics. Very soon I convinced her to call me 老公. Supposedly the angmo was out of the picture. We had a connection that not even my wife could give me , at least that was what I thought at that time.

During our chats I have never failed to try and ask her to meet up. Gradually the allure of sex faded and I really wanted to know her as a person. I somehow believed that I might have found my soulmate through her. But she had always given me excuses, that she wants to be sure of me before she allows me to meet her. She wasn't this careful when we were arranging to meet that first time, but she said I was different...

One day before lunch she said she had to meet a client urgently during lunch. Her tone of texts were different. I could tell she was hiding something from me. True enough, she didn't reply my texts all the way till knock off time. When she did finally reply she sounded different and distant. She said she wanted me to stop texting her.

Me: you met Carl just now didn't you.

Her: yes. He wanted to meet me and I wanted to meet him to call things off with him.

Me: then why this now?

Her: I'm sorry you are not the one for me. Don't text me anymore.

She stopped replying after that. I got frantic and texted her again and again. She didn't reply.

Feeling completely down, I posted about how fucked up I felt on the app.

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

TS, looking at what you have written, it look like you are a person with a very quick temple, you decide very quickly and base on what you see and what you feel at that instant. This may not be good for you as it give you a illusion that things are either very bad or things are very good but actually it is not what you are assuming since the beginning.

You are being rejected more often than normal as you have no patient, you review your desire very quickly and too direct to launch an attack that cause may people to either defense or avoid altogether.

YES you said you are very bad temple or rather I should say quick temple. A small matter can trigger a eruption. That is why you see things differently. Virtual space is very dangerous, as these people are all keyboard warriors, they use their fingers to think alongside their head.

Phone App or Computer App are all on the cyber space as they uses the virtual concept via internet line or land line, you don't gain to see one another, you type what you feel. If you don't what to meet and just want to amuse yourself this is a good platform so if you are being played around, not surprise. Do you think a lady will call you 老公 when she has not even met you before. So not surprise, what she had said may just for the sake of appeasing you, pretending to be the same bleed, what if she is your kind, maybe she is smarter you let the cat out of the bag earlier than her and review your intention which may have cause her to retreat immediately.

What happened to your marriage, we all don't know, however it is your one sided rant of your feeling. You seems to move very fast on the Chat App and made assumption at an early stage. Looks like you are still very young. Maybe you need people to talk to, you have a lot of knots in your heart to untie.

Take Care.

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

Appreciate your thoughts on the situation. I'm not too sure how my relevation of having a quick temper (I lose my temper probably only when provoked? And I get provoked. Not lose my temper randomly) gets extrapolated to 'too direct to launch an attack'.

Well perhaps I did move too fast on the app. I'm someone who values chemistry and connection. Having being on chatrooms since the mirc days, talking to random ladies in nightspots, I realized physical attraction can only get one person so far. Let's not turn this into me trying to justify my actions, defend myself etc. I'm no saint.

And no I'm not young :)

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

Well most people flew into a temple when provoked, very normal.

This is what I read and continue from, do accept my apology if I have understood it wrongly.

Getting serious when not meeting in person can at time be an issue, you can only trust what the opposite party type is true. In your unique case I guess the lady is exploring and not wanting to burn the bridge. The indicator is that she choose someone else which means it's time to back off or just keep it at arm length. At time they may shut you off if they get uncomfortable. In most case they will just MIA. For example if we should get into an argument here, I will just leave and go other place to talk.

No worries, no need to justify as everyone is entitle to his/her opinion even if it is a conflicting opinion.

Since the other party is not interested, then so be it, you can always continue to explore.

Take Care

Re: ultimate catfish - almost one year
 

We all have our faults. Learn from your lessons and make sure you don't fall for it again.