Sex life is failing...
 

Hi everyone, to begin with... I am a woman who just registered on this site to post this thread. I have been reading this forum on and off but only lately do I feel that perhaps the guys (or gals) here can help me.

I am married for 4 years, my husband loves me and we enjoy each other's company. Of course there are the usual quarrels and arguments that all couples have. We have no kids (yet). We are perhaps the typical Singaporean couple who work every weekday and spend the weekend doing household chores, groceries, movies...etc.

My problem is that we hardly have sex anymore. We used to do it 3-4 times a week when we were dating, then gradually become once a week after marriage because we were both tired from work. But now it is like once a month? I don't even remember when was the last time, maybe last month.

I am getting upset because I wonder if it is because he don't love me anymore, or is it that he is not interested sexually anymore? I am sure he is not getting it elsewhere. He just concentrates on his iphone games a lot when he's home... we can both be lying on the bed and he will just play his games and I'll watch my videos. I mean, I don't mind this but isn't it normal for couples to want to make love at least once a week or something.

I keep reading here in the forum that men needs sex and often it is the wife who refuses. How I envy those wives whose husbands can't get enough of them. Maybe because I am unattractive to him now? I am not exactly drop dead gorgeous but I'm working on it - trying to exercise regularly and wear better nightwear.

Nowadays on weekends, he will be hard in the morning as usual but it goes off very fast. I try to touch him (is this not an obvious sign that I want to make love???) but he doesn't jump on me like he used to. When we DO make love, he comes quite fast because it has been like AGES since the last time.

I feel embarrased to say this but I have even resorted to masturbating while he was sleeping. This is not the sex life I envisoned... I am not like super high sex drive or expect a lot but isn't this ridiculous.

Sorry for ranting, I can't share my problem with my friends because this is embarrassing. This is why I come to this forum where I know is guy-dominated... perhaps better to hear from guys how I can improve this situation.

Note: I am NOT looking for any sex outside marriage so please don't suggest me to find it with another man.

Thanks for any advise.

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Hi Cherie,

As an outsider myself, i don't know how to view/help in your situation. I can only try to direct you on maybe how/what man wants.

1) I would love my wife to play games with me. Since ur hubby love to play iPhone games, i would probably thinks that its quite a "time-killing" or "brainless" games. it should be quite easy to pick up.

2) Instead of going out watching movies together, why not spend some time out with ur friends, talk cock, drink or something. I find movies abit waste of time. As during this 2hrs, u won't be talking to each other.

3) Have some together time alone, drink wine/beer/alcohol... usually my wife got horny really fast when she drink until she high. which i happen to like when my wife "rapes" me.

Your husband that comes really fast is because he has not been having sex for very long. hence easy to come. or he probably just "want-to-get-over-and-done-with".

And having sex doesn't mean that you always have to be in your room to have it.

Me & my wife occasionally do in living room, when bathing together, in my working room. and if got car, go outside public places and hanky panky.

But take note, all these above are for those guys who love to seek fun. if your hubby is very conservative, it may backfire. he might think that you are having guys outside.

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Hi Cherie,

I think you should have a heart to heart talk with your husband. If something is holding him back from sex for such a long time, it must be pretty serious (for a guy to turn down sex on a regular basis, the reason cannot be trivial).

You will definitely get advice from bros here about spicing up your sex life, etc, but I think that's not getting to the root of the problem. Until you tackle the root, any solution will only be temporary.

I don't think it's because he doesn't love you anymore, because a guy can jolly well have sex even with a woman he does not love (that's why this forum exists in the first place).

As a guy, I think some of the reasons a guy would reject sex is:

1. He is really burned out (possibly from work).
2. He's very worried or guilty about something (work, health, finances).
3. He has another woman outside.
4. He has performance anxieties, but that doesn't seem to be the case since he can perform when needed, albeit for a short time.

Have a serious discussion with him. I think that's the only way to clear this up and you can both take corrective actions. It cannot be totally unilateral, BOTH parties must work on it.

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

of course many bro here can also help you out in clearing your mind and easing your restless mood .

let me know the q number

")

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

I agree with Peanut123.

You: Are in need of sex and u don't find him repulsive. So u are normal.

He: Is not really keen so there is a problem with him. It could be one of the following reasons:

1) After the initial hoo-ha of courtship etc... now that he has managed to "catch you" he is losing interest in u sexually. This is common for some guys where the thrill is only at the courtship period. Perhaps u shld do some stuff to make him realise that he may lose u if he does not try hard enough. Keep him guessing day by day.

2) The reason why he comes quickly could be he just wants to get it over and done with. Sex has become a chore for him. Or he can cum fast because he closes his eyes and fantasize about something else.

3) Re-examine what was it that got u guys together in the first place. How desperate was he to marry u? Remind him often how difficult it was for him and that he should not rest on his laurels now that u are his wife.

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Hmmm this is not a new problem..its always there...
You try to sort of act more "open".. in the morning when you both just got up,,,all guys are hard in the morning,,,,give him a nice blow job....I am sure that he will"rape" you after that....:)

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

this is how i feel.. during the dating stage, you do not see each other as often as the married stage.. the desire for each other grows, and resulted in more sex.. in fact, it is not only the sex that changes, the love factor too becomes dull.. so you cannot expect the same lifestyle as before, you need to adjust your demands and desires accordingly..

you can't change the fact that you will see each other everyday because you are now married.. so you might want to think about how to hook some desire out of him instead.. for example, your life is too dull.. work work work work work, stay home stay home.. 7 days a week, 2 activities only.. try arranging some activities on alternate weekends, and by weekends i mean Friday afterwork onwards until Sunday night.. chilling, clubbing, staycation at local hotels, road trips, 3D2N holiday, go to the beach, and whatever else you can think of.. important thing is to relax his mind.. the best is if you can go somewhere where there are lots of hot babes.. men likes to look at hot babes, ladies like to look at hunk.. build up the desire and then sex comes naturally..

my personal suggestion would be a staycation.. or maybe check into a budget hotel after clubbing/chilling till late night.. in my mind, checking into hotel always equate to sex, especially budget hotels like 81.. dunno why.. :p sometimes it helps when people are having sex in other rooms and you can hear them.. wild night awaits! :)

anyhow, these are told in my views and some of my experiences.. not sure if they help but i certainly hope so.. take reference from more bro and sis, hopefully you are able to sort out your life soon.. cheers!

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Get yourself a lover to spice up your sex life.

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Y i dun hv such luck hearing it? :D

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

This is the problem itself!

When smart devices becomes an addiction, it takes over your life including sex life.

Smart devices are killing socialising. People sit together at the same table for a social gathering but are busy whatsapping or FBing others.

So husband and wife in the same room. He plays his games...you watch you videos. His mind is on killing the boss mob to go on to the next level, your mind is on chasing the next episode of sitcom.

Where got the urge? You tell me.

If you still cannot understand, can pm me....i can explain in further details.

I am speaking from experience coz it is happening to me!

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

i heard a lot of times.. be it in SG or PRC.. hehe.. lucky bah? hahaha.. but it kinda sucks when their moaning is too fake..

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

So lucky.... no chance to have such luck ... :D

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

last time a lot of FLs activities in budget hotels.. now because of the clamp downs, all the FLs provide room.. so maybe that's why no chance to hear liao lor.. private couples probably would control their moans, feels embarrassed bah..

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Guys urge for sex will drop, maybe ur hubby going thru' this period. think both of u shd go for some outdoor activities instead of idling around at home....

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Sex is a physical & emotional form of communications.

Having common interest & activities helps :)

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Hi Cherie, I'm in the same shoes as you, but experiencing things from the other side of the fence. Check out my thread in this Adult Discussions folder. My thread has attracted a lot of unwanted attention, including meaningless, irresponsible and sarcastic remarks from many senior Samsters who have made lots of assumptions when they don't know the real story.

I am one known in real life for being ethical and respectful of others' views and desires, so if you trust me on this, we could be friends. I may be able to offer my views from the guy's perspective. Confidentiality is guaranteed. Waiting for your PM.

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Best on this is to talk it out between the two of you.

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

just ignore the redundant comments lor.. it's a free speech environment and opinions are subjective.. see what you wanna see, reply to whichever you think you wanna reply to.. zaps ain't gonna hurt you physically anyway.. :rolleyes:

hope both you and TS sort out your individual problems soon enough.. :)

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

How cum u r so SURE he don't find sex outside???

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Yep bro hardpoke. That's precisely what I'm doing. I was initially so angry and upset that I wanted to issue a long, point-by-point rebuttal but that would resemble PAP's approach with respect to dealing with foreign media/governments. Knowing how high emotions run here, it will just "yue miao yue hei" and degenerate into a flame war that does not serve anybody. My next option would be to write a PM to one of the brothers to clarify but refrained from doing that lest he reproduced my mail in public. Seems the best way is just to ignore the comments and go with what you believe in.

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Perhaps he is not the sociable type? Perhaps he always comes home straight after work? Perhaps he is in a desk-bound position in a traditional company with very strict lunch hours? Perhaps they always go together on holidays and she keeps his passport? Perhaps even the mention of sex is taboo between them? Perhaps there is just no culture of sex and hanky panky in the household? Perhaps they are (or in this case, he is) just disinterested in sex? Perhaps the kids are already a handful so they just have (or he just has) no more mood for sex? There are just too many possibilities. And trust me, even in today's age, there are still faithful husbands and wives around. Don't forget that this is a sex forum so people who frequent it are of a certain mindset. We tend to assume all of Singaporeans are like us. Please do not forget there are different types of people in this world. Not all men and women are sex-crazed Samsters.

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Cherie, dun fall prey to wolf in sheep's clothings especially married men who feigned maritial issues in order to get into women's pant :D

Use a damned scissors to rip that fake sheep clothes away...

Bro, u really dare to type leh... I really have no eyes to read!!!

Hello bro, u r looking for FB and she's not leh, u r seeking for someone OUTSIDE the marriage and she's seeking for solution WITHIN the marriage, somemore other's wife, how could it be the same :confused:

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpos...86&postcount=1

Anyway is ok, u can reply to me, here was my post to u, I will try to be as neutral as possible :)

http://www.sammyboyforum.com/showpos...57&postcount=9

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Get some relaxing aromatheraphy scents, watch some r rated movies together-comedyy types to relax perhaps...

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Hi everyone, thanks for the advises!

He is a conservative man. I am the one who is game to try sex toys and such, even hinted to him but he thinks those are weird stuff. He watches porn like any guy and even browses this forum to look at pictures... but when it comes to his own sex life, he still sticks to the norm. I asked him what happened to his sex drive and he said he doesn't know why it dropped. He thinks it is work stress.

What upsets me is that I believe men are usually the ones with higher sex drive and usually (from what I understand from this forum) the wives or gfs are the ones who refuses. So I dunno what's wrong with us, I feel like the "man" here who is trying to initiate and get "turned down". :( I know we should talk about this but I feel pai seh to bring it up like some major issue, like as though I very desperate (which I am becoming... hah).

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

He comes fast unless I go on top, which is like his fav position because he can just lie there and he knows this is easiest for me to have an orgasm. But even so, he can come less than 10min with me on top. (Or is this normal? He is the only guy I have sex with all my life so no gauge).

It is very sad if he just "wants to get over and done with".

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Good to see besides the usual nonsense, there are some constructive ideas on how to help TS improve her relationship with her hubby. Really up you guys:D

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Thanks, he is quite tired from his job sometimes and stressed about finances at times too. But I would think that despite these, a man would still try to have sex regularly. Could it be (5) he doesn't find me attractive anymore? :(

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

I think you may be right. I do get the feeling that sex is like a chore to him.

What kind of stuff should I do to keep him guessing? I am not good with playing mind games :confused:

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

Believe me, I would LOVE to do all that you mentioned. But he will never do it because he is very thrifty, will never want to stay in a hotel when we got a house. But the 3D2N is a good idea, I have been thinking of this too. We went for a short hol last year but you know what, end up no sex also.

Re: Sex life is failing...
 

I agree about smart devices killing interaction.

You mean your other half also ignore you due to this?